Another week of the writers' strike, another week of us watching mediocre late-night TV so you don't have to. The rimshot-ready Jay Leno reprises his reptile fetish with an animal expert to fill time. B-list actors predominated on the network shows, save for strike-friendly David Letterman, who pulled tabloid-bait hotties Katie Holmes and Katherine Heigl. Jon Stewart had an especially lackluster week of guests, but he made up for it with Samantha Bee segments and a brilliant "Bush's Bucket List" bit on the pres' Middle East tour. Colbert conducted an interview in pitch-perfect español: Everyone's trying to make it work ... but the results are mixed.

MONDAY
David Letterman: Katie Holmes (Anna Wintour impersonator), Frank Callendo (John Madden impersonator)
Craig Ferguson: Sir Ben Kingsley (Mary-Kate Olsen lip-locker), Laura Prepon (chick from That '70s Show)
Jay Leno: Marilu Henner (friend of Jay, professional divorcée, sometime actress), Brady Barr (TV reptile expert)
Conan O'Brien: Lester Holt (news talker), Sue Johanson (sex talker)
Jimmy Kimmel: Ice Cube (onetime gangster/actor), Carrie Ann Inaba (AZN hottie, Dancing With the Stars judge, sometime American Idol choreographer)
Jon Stewart: Fareed Zakaria (editor of Newsweek International, knows a thing or two about Pakistan)
Stephen Colbert: Neil Shubin (evolutionary biologist, author of Your Inner Fish)
Winner for the night:
While it was good to chat about Pakistan and science stuff with the Comedy Central boys, we'll have to give it to Letterman for gabbing with the wooden, humorless Scientology maiden.

TUESDAY
David Letterman: Denzel Washington (maker of heartwarming Oscar bait), Don Rickles (rhymes with pickles, comedian)
Craig Ferguson: Drew Carey (Bob Barker replacement), Seth Gabel (Lady in the Water hubby)
Jay Leno: Bill Maher (kinky political funnyman), Heckling Kucinich Supporters, Carrie Ann Inaba (AZN hottie, see above) & Bruno Toniolli (choreographer, flamboyant judge on Dancing With the Stars)
Conan O'Brien: Tom Brokaw (Brian Williams predecessor), Anthony Jeselnik (comedian)
Jimmy Kimmel: David Alan Grier (that guy from In Living Color), Dr. Drew Pinsky (celebrity urologist/gynecologist)
Jon Stewart: John Bolton (former UN ambassador)
Stephen Colbert: Peter Hopkins (bearded baby founder of bigthink.com), Jared Cohen (Jewish writer who learned Middle Eastern youth aren't that different from us!, wrote a book about it: Children of Jihad)
Winner for the night:
Let's give it to Jay. Bill Maher is cool, even if he's a dirty man-slut, and the Kucinich-supporting heckler was a nice moment.

WEDNESDAY
David Letterman: Michael Douglas (King of California, voice of NBC Nightly News, friend of Brian Williams), Katherine Heigl (striking striker, newlywed, sometimes-charming media whore)
Craig Ferguson: James McAvoy (hottie love interest to skeletons), Jon Cryer (Duckie)
Jay Leno: Chris Matthews (Hardball-er, misogynist), John Roy (comic)
Conan O'Brien: Pink (M!ssundaztood pop star), Lou Dobbs (prick, see last week)
Jimmy Kimmel: David Alan Grier (that guy from In Living Color), Dr. Drew Pinsky (celebrity urologist)
Jon Stewart: Jonah Goldberg (crazypants author of Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning)
Stephen Colbert: Benjamin Eckstein (oddsmaker-not-a-bookie, columnist), Deborah Tannen (author of You're Wearing That: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation)
Winner for the night:
It's a strong night all around. Let's give it to Ferguson, because he had Duckie on (we'll pretend that Jon Cryer has nothing to with Two and a Half Men) and James McAvoy is nice to look at before we head to bed.

THURSDAY
David Letterman: Sylvester Stallone (lasting action hero), the Teutuls (motorcycling badass father/son reality-TV duo)
Craig Ferguson: Julie Benz (actress with a convenient '80s aesthetic, starring in new Rambo flick, also playing Sue Ellen in next year's Dallas movie)
Jay Leno: D.L. Hughley (Studio 60 refugee), Joe Ligotti (Internet comic)
Conan O'Brien: Chazz Palminteri (teller of Bronx Tales); Erin Burnett (CNBC money honey)
Jimmy Kimmel: Hugh Hefner (pervy old dude next door), Bruno Tonioli (flamboyant choreographer, see above), Rob and Big (professional skateboarder and his bodyguard)
Jon Stewart: Allen Raymond ("Republican operative" author of How to Rig an Election)
Stephen Colbert: Lou Dobbs (prick, see above), David Levy (dude who thinks we'll someday be pricked by robots, author of Love+Sex with Robots)
Winner for the night:
Stephen Colbert, for conducting the Dobbs interview in Spanish as his Hispanic alter ego Esteban Colberto, then switching back to his Anglo self for chatting with the weird robot guy. Honorable mentions to Letterman and Kimmel.

GRAND PRIZE WEEKLY WINNER!!!
OMG! It's a four-way orgiastic tie between Colbert, Leno, Letterman, and Ferguson. Though, really, we're sort of acting like overconcerned elementary school parents and just handing out green participation ribbons to everyone who sort of pulled it together. If we were going to give out a single blue ribbon for the week (which we're not), we'd probably have to give it to WGA-friendly Dave for the overall strength of his lineup.