TAIL AND TWO CITIES Represent!
Coke vs. Pepsi. Kennedy vs. Castro. Heidi vs. L.C. Epic yet minor rifts when compared with the timeless power struggle between New York and Los Angeles. In the name of settling this battle royale, every week Radar will take stock and determine which city truly holds the competitive edge.

This Week: No less a man than Alvy Singer once said of Los Angeles, "I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light." But this week offered some stark realizations: While NYC's new pay toilet may be a triumph for mankind, vulgar anti-Semitism is still alive and well in our city's gaudiest hotels.

NYC: A new pay toilet opens in Madison Square Park. For a mere 25 cents, New Yorkers can perch their cheeks on the mystical, golden, self-cleaning commode. (The time limit is even a generous 15 minutes, ensuring that the park's Fashion Week visitors will have plenty of time to coke up, primp, and get back on the runway with no fear of social diseases.) Deputy Mayor Dan Doctoroff to NYC citizens: "This is a movement whose time has come." NYC citizens to Doctoroff: Okay, we like the toilet. But please stop personifying our ... movements.
L.A.: Gang violence is down 27 percent. So don't complain, and do your business behind the Jack in the Box like everyone else.
Advantage: NYC

NYC: All those wearing yarmulkes must clear the Hotel Gansevoort immediately. (Unless they want to be referred to as "yarmulke" or "that pretty boy with the peyes" by some dickhead in the Meatpacking District.)
L.A.: Lauren Conrad will be leaving the totally bogus L.A. office of Teen Vogue.
Advantage: L.A.

NYC: The Giuliani campaign may be running low on funds. So low, in fact, that several senior staffers are working pro bono. Let this be a lesson to Rudy: Don't alienate ferret owners. They have deep pockets.
L.A.: Fresh off her New Hampshire victory, Hillary Clinton stumps in Los Angeles. Keep a stiff upper lip, Hil. You know we can't bear it when you cry.
Advantage: L.A.

NYC: Two intrepid young men take their roommate's dead body into a check-cashing place in a plot reminiscent of Razzie-worthy films Weekend at Bernie's and the oft-overlooked Weekend at Bernie's II: The Mad-Cap Corpse Tampering Continues.
L.A.: The Golden Globes may be canceled, and the Oscars are in jeopardy. But at least we won't miss the Razzies.
Advantage: L.A.

NYC: We gave Chihuahuas wheels!
L.A.: Johnny Grant, the "honorary mayor of Hollywood," dies at 84.
Advantage: NYC

Final Score:
NYC: 2
L.A.: 3

Advantage: L.A. flushes NYC for the win. Tune in next week as the battle rages on ...