BUN FUN Contributing fetishists (Photos: Hailey Eber)
On Saturday, we learned something: There are more New Yorkers who really, really want to take off their pants in public than we ever imagined.

Some 900 people gathered downtown at Foley Square to embark on Improv Everywhere's 7th Annual No Pants Subway Ride: a contrived-quirky amalgam of state-school college prank, '60s happening, and, yeah, the vaguely subversive—if they had been wearing pants, there would have been a tattered copy of the Anarchist Handbook in their back pocket. Kee-razy citizens in seven other cities round the world showed solidarity, also riding pantless on Saturday. We really are the world.

The wonders of the Internet had told us to meet at 3 p.m. by the "black sculpture fountain"—how ominous. Media, we were told, were to take off their pants as well. Okay, sure, why not? We'd had a recent, rare Brazilian done for the holidays, and we had our journalistic integrity to preserve (or lose). Unfortunately, we'd gotten our gal pal who was to accompany us too drunk the night before, which meant we'd be doing this one both solo and sans pants.

Pantless subway riding requires far more organization than you could ever imagine. Complications quickly arose, and the crowd was ultimately divided into three groups for the three subway lines we'd prank. Finally, we followed the masses, covertly joining the group assigned to the 6 train, the more likely to see baffled tourists. Along the way, we met our favorite participant: G. Smith, 57, a retired construction manager and total sweetie-pie who admitted he was going through a bit of a midlife crisis. "It's too expensive to buy a Maserati," he quipped, saying this was the next best thing.

Where's my camera?!

The train came. We got on, cruised a few stops, took off our pants just before the designated stop, then got off the train and waited. We tugged up on our American Apparel boy shorts, fearful that this would be the moment when their shoddy elastic finally quit, silently wishing we were wearing something that had been made in a far-off sweatshop by a small child beaten into perfect quality-control submission. Dov Charney and Co. are known for many things, but the quality and longevity of their apparel are not among them.

We finally boarded a train, much to the bewilderment of pants-wearing folk who questioned and commented, pulling us away from an enthralling New York article on the travails of the young and rich and our weak attempts to "act natural." A few of our favorites from the peanut gallery:

"Si, only in America."

"You know, I went to art school, too. You can tell me what this is about."

"God bless New York." (Yeah, said by an ebullient young man as he enjoyed the view.)

"Only in New York." (Not sure this is what the tourism board was hoping for.)

"God bless America." (Said by the same ebullient young man.)

"Is this like a holiday or what?" (No, MLK Day is next week.)

"Well, if you're doing this without a message behind it, that's pretty pointless, isn't it." (Said by a bitter, middle-age white chick who looked as though her sexual needs weren't being met.)

CHEAP SHOT Random pervy dude in the right place at the right time—Canon Elph in tow

PANTY PARTYING Ladies on display

GOOD CLEAN FUN This is about as wholesome as you can look without wearing pants

THE SLUTTY PROFESSOR Real men dare to bare

WEB OF DECEPTION With the right underwear, she'll never learn the truth

CAPPING IT OFF If you wear a Chicago Cubs hat, nobody will notice you're pantless

LOOK FIERCE This girl heeds Tyra's advice

PLAYING GAMES We'll pass on Twister with these two

ACID FLASHBACK We definitely heard this guy talking about high school and a super-fun Model UN event

COMBAT ROCK

CLOSE READING: Oh my God, is that Steven Spielberg on his left?!