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< BACK TO Fresh Intelligence The Mike Huckabee All-Star Cabinet
Less than 48 hours before the South Carolina Republican primary, former pastor/Arkansas governor/fatty Mike Huckabee made a brief appearance at a Clemson University rally Thursday, one of seven campaign events scheduled throughout the state. Huckabee took the opportunity to announce his future cabinet members, hence to be referred to as "Smith & Wesson," with full-time side-kicker Chuck Norris as Secretary of Defense, and 16-time World Wrestling Federation Champion Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair as Director of Homeland Security. (Fellow washed-up celebrity endorser The Nuge reportedly had a scheduling conflict.)
Radar offers a round-up of the event, á la Chuck Norris Facts, for your Friday afternoon convenience: FACT: Of the seven African Americans in attendance, Huckabee flunkies carefully positioned five among the student supporters onstage so the cameras could easily find them.
FACT: Flag flip-flopper David Beasley, former governor of South Carolina, introduced Ric Flair (insert obligatory "Wooooooooooooo!"), local politicos, and ... CHUCK NORRIS! The crowd went bananas as the Texas Ranger repeated his Huckabee conversion story before inviting the crowd to join him for a barbecue at his ranch this Sunday via a "virtual webcast," whatever that is. While Chuck talked, his leathery fembot wife Gina kept whispering in his ear. Shades of the Manchurian Candidate.
FACT: Reports of there being between 2,500 and 3,000 people at the rally are gross overstatements. Not even if you counted Huckabee campaign staff and hangers on, Clemson cops, small children, and members of the press corps would you get close to that number.
FACT: Huckabee admitted that he knew the crowd came out for Ric Flair and Chuck Norris, then announced Chuck Norris will be his Secretary of Defense and Ric Flair will be Director of Homeland Security. "Or as they will be known in Washington: Smith & Wesson." He warned, "If you don't vote for me, they take you out." FACT: Earnest young Huckabee supporters Matt and Jared have the power to drive supporters from the building. The folksinging duo, who have been posting pro-Huck song parodies to YouTube for months, debuted their latest, "Huckabee Voter," to the tune of "Honky Tonk Woman." Their rewritten lyrics to "Mrs. Robinson," now "Mr. Huckabee," end up being the afternoon's most explicit mention of God. They don't scan: "Coo coo cachoo, Mr. Huckabee / Jesus would choose you if he could vote / Oh oh oh / God bless you please, Mr. Huckabee / The White House holds a place for those who pray / Hey hey hey, hey hey hey"
FACT: "Chuck Norris doesn't plow. He looks at the field and the rows get in order." Huckabee recycled an old sermon about two fellas from New York City who come south to try and farm. When a heckler interrupted him, the Christian candidate failed to turn the other cheek, saying, "When you run for president, I'm gonna interrupt you," before telling the crowd, "He's gonna be a doctor. That's what's scary. He's a real cut-up already." The former minister took up his parable again, but the momentum was lost.
Mike Huckabee is our choice to be President; and, we'll support him over the other candidates. As with Reagan and Bush II, Huckabee is being significantly underestimated by everyone. This will become evident as each primary occurs. Huckabee's support will continue to build, even as the major establishment media and political control groups try to "contain" him. Let's hope he gets Secret Service protection as soon as possible. The "best" future of the United States lies with Mike Huckabee at this point in history. Posted by: rjoobneerst on January 19, 2008 1:23 PM Sorry, rjoob, but I was at the rally in Clemson, and that's just not going to play in mainstream America. Sweet Home Alabama? Yeah. They'll love that in NYC and the beltway. We need a candidate who's ready to take on the future, not one who doesn't even believe in evolution. I'm hoping Huckabee's not the best we can do. But it was a great write-up! Posted by: Teddifish on January 19, 2008 8:54 PM Advertisement |
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