In a snoozy phone interview pegged to the end of the third season of Jamie Lynn Spears' Nickelodeon series Zoey 101—which ends this Friday with a "cliffhanger"!— some poor AP reporter is punished for crimes in a past life and forced to exchange platitudes with America's favorite teen mother-to-be without actually addressing the detail that her pregnancy is the only interesting thing about Jamie Lynn. That, of course, and the fact that being named after both your mother and your father is just about the white trashiest thing ever!

But while Spears doesn't give any insight into whether she'll parent more like Jamie and Lynn or big sis Britney, she does say that she's not going to move to L.A. anytime soon. Instead, she's hoping to get her high-school diploma and is considering getting a degree at the esteemed Louisiana State University. 'Cause, really, who needs to get in trouble at Hyde when they can cow tip and hang with the other unwed meemaws at the mall in a sporty LSU cap?

This, kids, is indeed a great nation.