JANKOFF Paul

Below, excerpts from New York Cassanova Paul Janka's 17-page book proposal, which he tried and failed to shop to publishers in 2005. You already knew he was a pervert. Turns out his tactics borrow heavily from the date rape handbook!

"Tell the bartender how it is— she works for you for the two hours or so you'll be there. I tell them I don't drink but that I am meeting a lady, and that I don't want her to feel uncomfortable so could they please bring me seltzer waters, in a high-ball glass, with a lime. And call it a Tom Collins. Or a Gin and Tonic if you prefer. Never leave your drink, and don't let the girl sip it— she will freak out, I guarantee you. If you go to the bathroom, take it with you. When done, take both her glass and yours to the bar and give them to the bartender. Also, I find that drinking 2 or 3 seltzers on top of the meal I ate an hour before (solo or with a buddy) can be a challenge; I usually tell the bartender to make mine almost entirely ice; hers, little ice and stiff."

Other tips that will get you laid, and perhaps charged with a sex crime in a court of law, after the jump ...

• Giuliani's Own Bathroom Brush
• The Bony Lady Sings