EYES WIDE STUCK Wax Kidman, Radar Kidman
• Breaks the mold: Radar's December cover girl Nicole Kidman is honored with a wax figurine at the famed Madame Tussauds in London, though archivists are curious as to whether or not the plastic-enhanced actual Kidman has an even longer shelf-life.

• Friends with a twist: Regular guy with a mancrush on Bill Paxton seeks hairy (but not down below) guy for some "JO" fun. Dude just wants to climax in the vortex of a twister with a like minded bro. "No gay stuff."

• No toy worth this: A gunman at an Omaha, Nebraska (where President Bush just went to ramp up Iran war talk) kills at least nine people in a shopping mall, according to still-developing reports.

• Brit BD on prowl: Don't expect J.R. Rotem to settle down with presumed former fling Britney Spears. He's still looking for a nice Jewish girl: Allegedly from Rotem's JDate profile: "The success and visibility I have earned in the music industry keeps me surrounded by the wrong girls (golddiggers, cheap chicks, wannabe artists looking to use a guy like me for a music career, money, fame, etc).

• Staged handiwork: Picket-line crosser Ellen DeGeneres somehow convinces Jenna Bush to phone home while visiting her show. The first daughter nervously tiptoes through a conversation, evidently fearing how transparent the bit truly is.

• Spirit of the law: A court drops charges against actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers after he apologizes for public drunkenness and abusive behavior at a Dublin airport last month.

• To try, try again?: After politely thanking cops for not shooting him after the Hillary Clinton campaign office hostage crisis, Leeland Eisenberg sets the record straight: He wishes he would've died and that his suicide-by-cops plot could have been carried out.