FACIAL Zuckerberg

For starters, his company's brand new advertising initiative is facing serious backlash from users and advertisers alike (chief among them Coca-Cola, which has put a moratorium on its dealings with Facebook). Then, 02138, the independent Harvard alumni magazine, published a story rather sympathetic to the plight of three former classmates of Zuckerberg who are suing him for stealing their idea and initial computer code. Finally, Monday, a federal judge turned down Zuck's attempt to force 02138 to remove from its website a copy of his handwritten college application essay, as well as excerpts of an online journal he kept while at Harvard.

Among the revelations in Zuckerberg's online journal ...

• He used computer programming as an outlet for his sexual frustration. "[Redacted] is a bitch. I need to think of something to make to take [sic] my mind off her."

• He liked to get drunk and code. "I'm a little intoxicated, not gonna lie. So what if it's not even 10 p.m. and it's a Tuesday night?"

• He's a gigantic douche. "Some of these people have pretty horrendous Facebook pics. I almost want to put some of these faces next to pictures of farm animals and have people vote on which is more attractive."

• Like many of his Crimson classmates, Zuckerberg's lameness seemed firmly in place before he even stepped foot in Cambridge. His college application essay also mentions his favorite extracurricular activity, fencing. "[Fencing] has always proven to be the perfect medium ... I rarely find myself doing anything more enjoyable than fencing a good bout."

To his credit, Zucky did appear to loosen up once he dropped out to go run Facebook in Palo Alto. According to a summary of alleged damages to a house rented to Zuckerberg in 2004, he and his bros had a "zip line running from chimney over to telephone beyond pool." A zip line! Mark Zuckerberg is, like, totally crazy!