DANCE, MONKEY, ER, HONEY! Lynne, Jamie Lynn (Photo: Getty Images)
Dumb in the Spears family didn't begin with Britney. It's genetic, it seems, and carried on the mother's side.

Now Lynne Spears's 16-year-old daughter, Jamie Lynn, is knocked up, likely the result of what could be characterized as statutory rape by her 18-year-old boyfriend Casey Aldridge. And instead of ascending to the teen-TV queen throne she's been groomed since birth to seize, Jamie Lynn will undoubtedly spend the remainder of her youth fending off stalkerazzi, working off baby weight, and firing a series of exasperated nannies.

Maybe she'll squeeze in some chandelier shopping.

And of course, we'll be deluged with zits-and-all images shot from parking lots and gas stations every step of the way. In the last 12 hours alone, the rumor mill has forecast everything from marriage to breakup for Jamie Lynn and Casey.

Mamma Lynne's reaction to her baby's baby for a world exclusive cover story in, of all mags, OK!, the bright-yellow Hummer of celebrity weeklies: "I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious," the monstrous mom says. "She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

But a mom can't be so naïve for so long, not even in the Heart of Dixie. Lynne's had fair warning—her old baby Britney's downward spiral should have made her wrap Jamie Lynn in full-body latex every time she set foot outside the double-wide.

Of course, Lynne clearly didn't see that one coming, either. Just a few years before the K-Fed marriage and divorce, the head-shaving incident, the loss of child custody, and the rest of the batshit bonanza, Mamma Lynne said this about Britney: "She's very grounded. She's been grounded since she's about four years old." Perhaps she should have been.

For her part, Lynne has not gone completely without punishment. Her Christian parenting book has been indefinitely postponed. It's a book described by Publisher's Weekly as Lynne's "personal story of raising high-profile children while coming from a low profile Louisiana community." Alternate title: Out of the Trailer and Into Les Deux.

So congratulations, Lynne Spears! For keeping the wheels grinding on the pop culture casualty factory, you're our Monster of the Week!