HOT BEEF INJECTION? Hulk, Rosie
A last-minute edition to Beef of the Week, the fresh carcass of the Hulk Hogan/Rosie O'Donnell stink runs the risk of going rank before it's had a chance to cure—and subsequently rot. We're here to help usher things along, people.

It all began with a comment from the Hulk's fu-manchu-draped trap, when the tank-topped wrestler took a verbal swing at Rosie at a press event for his new (old) show, American Gladiators. Asked who he'd like to see one of his gladiator's righteously beat down, the reality star, and soon-to-be bachelor, wasted no time in burping out Ro's porky sobriquet: "Without a doubt Rosie O'Donnell. Somebody needs to shut that big mouth up." Well then!

Ro's rejoinder? In the form of a quaint poem, of course: "hulk hogan / the wrestler guy / wants to pummel me / isnt that sweet / and wildly odd / its like a gang of gross guys / a club almost / old dumb white and on tv".

Sounds of dismissal, Hulk.

But what's Hulk basing his hatred of Rosie's enormous clam cracker on, exactly? Is it merely a publicity ploy to promote Hulkster's show and avert his growing self-esteem issues, and, ahem, secret lesbo-ism? Is there any proof of said Sapphism? Well, his real name is Terry Gene Bollea, which is way lesbian by the tale of the Beef of the Week yardstick. And if you tear away his bad-boy persona and the baby Hulkamaniacs running wild everywhere, his lesbianism is more clearly seen manifested in the form his overstuffed Kimberly Stewart lookalike daughter, babbling Brooke Hogan, who clearly is but a few signatures away from rampant sexperimentation.

But if it is all a lesbian kerfuffle, and assuming Hulk considers himself chief "gladiator," can Hulk hit a chick? Terry can, sure, but can Hulk? Is Ro even a chick? She plays one on her blog, but lots of people do on blogs everywhere, and she's done nothing if not prove she can scrap like the brutest of brutes. Or maybe the whole thing stems from a lesbian cabal, led surreptitiously from the stables of Hogan's Gladiator co-host and Muhammad Ali offspring Laila Ali, who, rumor once had it, was straddling the knee of Queen Latifah. Mere whispers, perhaps. But Beef must be served.

So Ro, for a) trying to stymie the quarrel, b) not engaging in some potential avant-garde lesbian lust, and c) Elizabeth Hasselbeck, consider yourself the loser in this week's contest. Victory to the Hulkster.

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