With the glossies all rolling out a Power Lists—Out names the 50 with the most "gay power," Details names its most influential people (it's sort of like reading a list of Darwin Award winners), and we have our own nürads—Entertainment Weekly arbitrarily decided that it's not about power in Hollywood anymore. It's about smarts, "The 50 Smartest People in Hollywood," specifically. So every person on this list has got to be a real mensch, right? Not exactly. After the jump, the braniacs in their own words ...

Ben Affleck, No. 50
It took Ben a while, but he finally figured out the birds and the bees: "I remember back when I was a kid there was a comic strip called Plastic Man. His body was elastic and he could make his extremities as long as he wanted. As a youngster I didn't fully appreciate. But I'm now thinking Plastic Man was probably pretty popular with the ladies."

Michael Moore, No. 27
Michael Moore apparently confused the actual definition of a multi-millionaire when he claimed, "I'm a millionaire, I'm a multi-millionaire. I'm filthy rich. You know why I'm a multi-millionaire? 'Cause multi-millions like what I do. That's pretty good, isn't it? There's millions that believe in what I do. Pretty cool, huh?"

Johnny Depp, No. 21
Johnny Depp just can't stop making big budget American movies, but deep down, he hates them and everyone who sees them: "America is dumb. It's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive. My daughter is four, my boy is one. I'd like them to see America as a toy, a broken toy. Investigate it a little, check it out, get this feeling and then get out."

Peter Jackson, No. 16
At least now we know which audience Peter Jackson was targeting with his long-ass King Kong re-make when he says, "I have a really moronic sense of humor."

George Clooney, No. 13
The Hollywood playboy is called "Sinatra-style cool" by EW, but George Clooney has been reported as saying, "I'm really white trash."

Meryl Street, No. 6
Actress Merly Streep forgot the collective IQs of her audience at the Golden Globes when she announced, "It's been since the Pleistocene Age since I've won [an award]."

Will Smith, No. 5
EW lauds Will Smith for his staggering work ethic, and I'm sure Jada does too if Smith's quote is anything to go on—"I am a sexual machine now. Raring to go every second of the day. I'm human Viagra. I am Will-agra."

Ari Emmanuel, No. 4
Ari Emmanuel, a parter at Endeavor Agency and the inspiration for Entourage's Ari Gold, loves to blog about the Bush administration: "I'm not real big fan of the president or his administration. So anything that even remotely links me to them is irksome, to say the least. For years I had to endure the unconscious connection people made between me and the Bush White House's press secretary, Ari Fleischer. You can imagine how happy I was when he left the administration. Then I read in this morning's paper that Dick Cheney has appointed his counsel, David Addington, to replace Libby as his chief of staff. Here we go again! You see, Addington is my wife's maiden name. I feel like Pacino in Godfather III: I keep trying to distance myself from any connection to this president ... But just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in!"

James Cameron, No. 3
James Cameron is not a friend of PETA, apparently: "People don't understand that a wild animal is not something that is nice to pat. It can seriously harm you. I blame it on Walt Disney, where animals are given human qualities."

Steven Spielberg, No. 2
Most people just wait for a script to come in the mail, but Steven Spielberg has other ideas on picking a film to direct. "Once a month, the sky falls on my head, I come to and I see another movie I want to make."

Diablo Cody, No. 38/Judd Apatow, No. 1
The two behind 2007's most critically acclaimed films about pregnancy, Juno and Knocked Up respectively, have some thoughts on excluding abortion from their films:

CODY: "The irony is that when I wrote the movie [Juno], I thought it was kinda a lefty edgy movie that would piss people off because she was joking about abortion, I had no idea that anyone would ever perceive it as a right-wing Valentine."

JUDD: "Well, I think if [Katherine Heigl's character] got an abortion in the movie, the movie would be eight minutes long."