FEEL NAUGHTY? Hussein (inset), 269-foot, $34M mega-yacht
Long before he was deposed and publicly executed, lavishly living Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein commissioned several mega-yachts, including the "Qaddisat Saddam," built in 1981 and shrouded in mystery ever since. But the 269-foot floating palace, widely believed to be moored in Saudi Arabia, has surfaced in the South of France with an innocuous new name ("Ocean Breeze"—it's calming, not all murdery and rapey!). The price tag: $34 million.

The Middle Eastern despot-chic decor features plenty of gold, silver, and marble, Arabesque arches, fancy fountains, gold-tap bathrooms, table and silverware for 200, a medi-clinic with surgical suite (who wants to play doctor?), helipad, 14 cabins for 28 passengers, bunk space for 35 crew members, and—because god made this all possible—prayer rooms.

And because the former dictator had reason to be paranoid, the boat has bulletproof glass, closed-circuit television, storage space for a large cache of weapons, including heavy machine guns and surface-to-air missiles, and a secret passage that runs the length of the boat for easy access to a fast patrol boat and a mini-submarine pod for emergency exits.

It's absolutely perfect for the billionaire weirdo or budding Bush-hating autocrat on your holiday list.

Click here and come aboard for a full tour of the boat!