So it wasn't really a "Very Special Thanksgiving Episode" of The Hills. But we sort of wish it was. Here, we present what might have happened on such an episode, should technological advances be made in time-travel and reality television.

What really happened on last night's episode: Because he is actually the devil, wedding planning proved hard for Spence. Heidi dragged him to see some church, and he almost melted once inside God's House. Then, the pastor had the nerve to mention pre-marital counseling. Spencer Pratt, however, is nobody's bitch. Not even Christ's. He tried to whisk Heidi away to Sin City, but the bride-to-be wouldn't have it. Turns out, beneath the silicone and pancake makeup, Heidi's just an old-fashioned girl who wants a church wedding. And so much forgiveness.

What would happen on a Very Special Thanksgiving episode: Heidi tries to cook her first turkey ever, but things go awry and she chars the bird instead. Spencer considers hitting her for a moment, but then starts laughing. They both start laughing! They go to Taco Bell for "fourth meal" Chalupas.

What really happened on last night's episode: Justin Bobby wasn't even on last night's episode. Sometimes Justin Bobby is like that. Don't fence him in.

What would happen on a Very Special Thanksgiving episode: Audrina learns Justin Bobby has no place to go for the holidays, feels real sad for him. She invites him to spend Thanksgiving in the OC with her and Lauren at the Conrad casa, but he refuses. Then, on Thanksgiving, (surprise!) he shows up at Lauren's big ol' house with a pumpkin pie he made himself and a hug for Audrina. Everyone gets blitzed on a nice Cab with the Conrads, and Justin Bobby opens up, reveals that he was raised by Pearl Jam roadies, whom he hasn't seen in years. The final song of the episode is Pearl Jam's "Long Road" over shots of Audrina and Justin Bobby speeding up the freeway and back to L.A.

What really happened on last night's episode: Whitney went on a date and a half with their ditzy/creepy personal trainer, Jarett. Their encounters were shining examples of why we shouldn't date the people who make us exercise (he did "cheers" a kazillion times, asked her "What's your sign?" without irony, made her do jumping jacks). But Whitney told Lauren she had a great time. Whitney is way more stupid than we previously thought, which is good, because then she might not think about the fact that Jarett had already been out with Audrina and seemed like he might still prefer her squat thrusts.

What would happen on a Very Special Thanksgiving episode: Ick! Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney wake up feeling pretty gnarly after Thanksgiving. Too much turkey, too many mashed potatoes. Gross! What would Lisa Love think?! There's no choice but to hit the gym. Luckily, their dreamy personal trainer, Jarett, is there to put them through their paces, promises the girls they'll be looking slut-tastic by New Year's. Bulimia averted!