TAIL AND TWO CITIES Represent!
Coke vs. Pepsi. Kennedy vs. Castro. Heidi vs. L.C. Epic yet minor rifts when compared to the timeless power struggle between New York and Los Angeles. In the name of settling this battle royale, each week Radar will take stock and determine which city truly holds the competitive edge.

This week: The stunning denouement on this week's episode of The Hills seemed to be the perfect metaphor for the conflict between New York and Los Angeles. Did Justin Bobby's betrayal of Audrina represent a shift in the coastal power balance? Could L.A.'s fragile (but impeccably well-groomed) hold on the American zeitgeist be slipping away, much like a certain disinterested, double-monikered bad boy motorcycling off into an endless and unfathomable night? We turned to the world's foremost Hills expert, New York Observer reporter (and former Radar intern!) Doree Shafrir, for answers.

RADAR: Justin Bobby is New York. He's dark, tangly, and looks somewhat smelly. He lets Audrina (who is clearly L.A.—No one has teeth like that east of the Inland Empire) think she holds some sort of power over him, but he's really just stringing her along.

DOREE SHAFRIR: I don't know if I buy that necessarily. He's totally L.A. in the sense that he's playing the fame game for all it's worth ... I don't believe for a second that he didn't know exactly what he was doing, portraying himself as the bad boy. I mean, he's a hairstylist! This is his ticket!

He did look pretty pleased with himself in the last episode. So, if Audrina is L.A. and Justin Bobby is L.A., is New York just irrelevant?

L.A. is like a flashy bauble that we in New York are alternately fascinated and repelled by.

Sounds like it's L.A. for the win.

Yes, but by winning, they lose. It's a Pyrrhic victory.

Advantage: L.A. Feel the rain on your skin while it lasts, assholes.

In other news:
L.A.: Sixteen years after serving as a punching bag for the L.A.P.D., Rodney King gets shot in the face.
NYC: 7 days after a casualty-free Black Friday, a "knife wielding sicko" (arguably the worst kind) stabs his girlfriend in the tinsel-filled lobby of the Manhattan Mall.
Advantage: NYC

L.A.: LAist reports that more Angelenos work in the adult film industry than in software jobs.
NYC: After 19 days on strike, thousands of Broadway stagehands return to work. Let the sounds of Legally Blonde: The Musical! fill our hearts with gladness (also, gayness).
Advantage: L.A.

FINAL SCORE
L.A.: 2
NYC: 1

L.A. takes the win. Somewhere in San Bernardino, a crew begins work on American Bangster. And, somewhere up in heaven, another angel loses its wings.