PASTY Rhys Meyers
(Photo: Getty Images)

• Sidekicks: Mike Huckabee taps Chuck Norris for his first Iowa campaign commercial: "My plan to secure the border? Two words: Chuck Norris.... Chuck Norris doesn't endorse—he tells America how it's going to be."

• Milque man: John Edwards calls Hillary Clinton's "mudslinging" accusations "absurd" and throws down the critical gauntlet: "This is milquetoast compared to what we're going to see next fall."

• Motor City madness: Detroit is named the nation's most dangerous city in the nation after an analysis of FBI crime statistics. City officials claim the beta version of RoboCop is just weeks away from its debut.

• YouTube skit fodder: MTV Arabia launches in the Middle East with the intent to broadcast "culturally sensitive" international music videos and local adaptations of reality shows. The Dunes is likely to debut at No. 1.

• Sans service: John McCain claims that, if nominated, he will reject the protection of the Secret Service: "I'll take my chances." Or hire Chuck Norris.