When we heard that droves of masochistic women use a product made with dangerous levels of corpse-pickling formaldehyde to straighten their hair, we thought: "Can someone please tell these women they won't have any hair left when they get cancer." But after Allure did an expose in their October issue on the carcinogenic treatment, droves of women ran out to get some of those very toxins on their locks. Phones rang off hooks! Allure EIC Linda Wells was appalled: "It's so illogical that people would willfully pursue something that they know is dangerous."

Except! Ladies are whacked.

We've long known that the mercury in our eye shadow can make us infertile, The toluene in nail polish can cause miscarriages and birth defects, the parabens in our lotions can give our male children low-sperm counts, and the propylene glycol that makes our blush smooth can cause kidney damage. Oh, it's also found in brake fluid. Yummy!

But, like Queen Elizabeth I caking her face in white lead to look fashionable, we'll do anything to get laid. And if you think about it, it sort of kills two birds at once since, with enough slap on our faces, we won't be needing any more birth control.