When the federal government indicted baseball's home run king Barry Bonds Thursday, it marked the very last nail in an almost shut coffin. For nearly a decade Bonds has been suspected of using performance enhancing drugs and for just as long he's denied it. But the indictment for perjury proves what many have long suspected: He's a huge-headed liar.

For a figure like Bonds, who lately seems to hate his audience as much as it hates him, PR is often an afterthought. If you want nothing to do with the public, what's the use of public relations? Nevertheless, we did what we always do when a celebrity takes a turn for the very worst and called in PR pros Howard Bragman of 15 Minutes PR and Ronn Torossian of 5WPR. Medicine isn't supposed to taste good.

Barroid Bonds, you're in the PR/ER!

Come to your own defense
Bragman: "I think his silence is misplaced. I think he should have talked more to the media and less to the grand jury."
Torrosian: "To not say anything at all is a mistake. When celebrities get in trouble, if they don't define an issue themselves they allow somebody else to define it."

Next time, just fess up
Bragman: "The cover up is worse than the crime. I don't know what would have happened had he admitted it, but I can certainly tell you it's better than going to jail. Not only is he going to lose his dignity but he's going to jail, and it's gonna cost him millions in legal fees."

You're a lost cause, just give up
Bragman: "He's not very popular. When you hit more home runs than anyone else, you'd like to think you could get an occasional cheer. Not for Barry."
Torossian: "Barry Bonds's brand is forever tainted. In terms of his perception, it's pretty untouchable. He's in the league of Michael Jackson and O.J. Simpson. Not as heinous or tainted as they are, but frankly he's somebody who doesn't have a chance at rehabilitating his image. My advice is to put his money in the bank and live a good life, but he's not going to improve his public image. Just try to stay out of jail."

At least we know he'll make a good bitch.