FAUX J O.J.(Photo: Getty Images)

• O.J.'s timepiece of crap: A Rolex watch belonging to O.J. Simpson and subsequently awarded to Fred Goldman in lieu of damages owed has been ordered to be returned to the Juice. Reason: It's a fake worth $100 rather than the estimated $22,000.

• All American reject: Bruce Springsteen defends his latest album against critics who say it's unpatriotic, fails to combat criticism that the music sucks out loud.

• Meet the "pips": In case you missed it, the New York Times on Sunday profiled the pint-size nightmares living just beneath the seventh seal of the apocalypse: 14- and 15-year-old paparazzi in L.A.

• Brozilian: Christopher Hitchens endures manscaping in the new Vanity Fair, a procedure EIC Graydon Carter has reportedly referred to as removing the hair from "the back, the crack, and the sack."

• Extreme Mall Rats Busted
• Judd Apatow Goads David Denby into Penis Humor

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