PLAYER FOR LIFE Lohan(Photo: Getty Images)

• Hell-Lo, Goodbye: Lindsay Lohan, with the help of Lotus-loving dad Michael, has made her way out of rehab. Quelling expert testimony to the contrary, plans for her next role are still on.

• Who's who of pederasts: Kiddie-diddling money manager Jeffrey Epstein thinks registering as a sex offender will cramp his lifestyle and has a lawyer draft a letter asking the court to let him keep off the official perv list.

• 101 uses for the bomb: During the Cold War, the U.S. considered infecting land under troops with radiation or using radioactive material to poison key assassination targets, AP reports.

• Lumpy Lopez: Marc Anthony's ex adds fuel to the rumors that the bump under Jennifer Lopez's frocks is not some weird tumor but is, in fact, a child.

• Sienna Miller is No Method Actress
• Mitt Romney Hates Weed, the Disabled

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