We weren't certain we could ever love ponytailed fashion artifact Karl Lagerfeld any more than we already did—then we got a sneak peek of the oh-so French documentary Lagerfeld Confidential.

The film's director Rodolphe Marconi follows Lagerfeld around as he navigates his life in a black-and-white whirl of air kisses and endless rounds of black coffee and champagne. The shots of the Chanel runway shows are probably just about what you'd expect: Pretty Young Things wearing pretty expensive things. But the real fun is in the meandering conversations that Marconi has with Lagerfeld, in which the designer's wit and wisdom are writ large. That and the austere black sign in Karl's bathroom that reads, in French, "Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel."

If you're a fashion-phile, it's worth forking out untold sums to see this film, which would no doubt be cheaper than snapping up Chanel loot itself. Just in case you're too weak with hunger to put on your sample size and get to the Film Forum, we've gathered some of Karl's gem-like rules to live by, after the jump ...

ON CHILDHOOD: "I was rather like a male Shirley Temple. Rather unbearable and spoiled."

ON FASHION: "Fashion is ephemeral, dangerous, and unfair.... If you want social justice, become a civil servant.... Fashion people enchant me."

ON SEX: "I'm rather pro-prostitution. We can't all afford a mistress or an expensive friend."

ON NEUROSES: "If I sleep without something [a pillow] on my stomach, I feel dreadfully sick."

ON AMBITION: "I hate hard workers. It must appear to be casual."

ON IMAGE: "I don't want to be seen without my glasses."

ON FRIENDS: "I hate people who can't be alone.... I'm not really interested in the reality of people."