Just like busybody neighbors everywhere, the glossies are quite concerned about Brad and Angie this week—about the money they're spending, her drinking, his rebuffed romantic gestures.

We envision the five of them having a discussion that goes something like this:

"They spend money like there's no tomorrow," says Us, who wants you to know that she enjoys a splurge every now and then, but in moderation. "That hotel suite they're staying in is $100,000 a month. For that kind of money they could buy a whole house in Kansas City."

"I don't know," says Star, examining a chip in the "Wicked" fingernail polish she bought a few seasons back when Cosmo said dark was the rage. "I mean the hotel suite has got like six bathrooms and a gourmet kitchen, and there's a weekly magic show for the kids. It might be kind of fun."

"But it's not just a hotel," Us continues. "He spent two million for some artwork by a graffiti artist; I could have one of my kids scribble something and maybe he'd buy that. And that school where they send the little Asian boy—$18,000 a year, and for what? They move so much he was only there for a few weeks anyway. Heck, Angelina bought the baby a $450 stuffed animal from FAO Schwartz."

"I know someone who knows someone who said that the other day Brad used the hotel's kitchen to make Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes for the kids and blueberry yogurt and granola for Angie," OK! gushes—and the others ignore her.

"I'm just saying, it's not normal the way they live. She goes for walks at three in the morning in New York City!" says Life & Style (who we sort of see wearing something from Anne Taylor and looking a lot like that neighbor who ran across the block to tell your mom that your boyfriend stayed over that weekend your parents were out of town). "And the drinking. Would you believe my friend Richard Parsakian happened to be at Sir Harry's bar in the hotel and he saw her have nine drinks—three of them shots of vodka! If I had just one, I wouldn't be able stand, but she had three. And Richard told me that Brad just looked at Angelina and told her that was enough, which in my opinion was probably eight drinks too late."

"That Brad, he puts up with a lot," says In Touch, who engages in a cocktail or two herself, and wouldn't mind changing the subject. "He tries so hard, but that romance is dead. My friend who worked at Gustavino's—a fancy schmancy place in the city—said Brad brought Angie in for a big romantic dinner, and she just rolled her eyes and called it 'cheesy.' There's something wrong with that girl. She doesn't even look at her real kid, spending all her time with those other kids. He was so much better off with Jennifer or Gwyneth."

The ladies sigh in unison.

"Speaking of which," In Touch says, "my friend the jewelry designer Tuesday Knight just told me why Britney Spears doesn't wear underwear!"