• Hsu to clink: As Dem fundraising suicide-attempter Norman Hsu makes his way from backless hospital jumpers to zippered orange onesies, besties find fit to leak his suicide note.

• Ad hockery: Heat for the much-criticized ad taken out by moveon.org criticizing Gen. Petraeus has shifted to the Times, after the Post claims the ad was sold at a discounted rate.

• Ja Tool: Ja Rule, champion for conservative values, articulates his suspicion of those homosexuals and their nefarious agenda.

• Smells like teen dispirit: In a move demonstrating their pessimism regarding the future of network television, NBC announces a 13-year reality show starring kindergardeners who will be trailed through the eighth grade.

• The Patty and Selma constituency: No fewer than 27 percent of Americans believe that MacGyver could ease us through these troubled times.