ROCK ROYAL-TEASE Kelly

• No simple life: Ozzy's kid Kelly Osbourne and Rod Stewart tot Kimberly cancel plans to star in their own reality show, calling it "demeaning" and "juvenile."

• Bailing Bonds?: Barry Bonds beats the home run record in San Francisco, a moment primed for a trip to the White House. But are 'roid allegations a turn-off to Bush?

• Same ol' wino: Amy Winehouse claims to be a perfectionist, which is the reason she cancels her shows at the last minute. Not, like, her alcoholism or anything.

• Monsieur Incroyable: Police arrest a 16-year-old schoolboy in Aix-en-Provence for translating Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows before the French version's October release date. When asked to comment, French police sniffed, "We do not speak ze English."

• Still, not "Apple": Idiot parents name their kid "Superman" after they're told they can't legally name him "4Real."

• LiLo Learned to Party from Parents
• Freaky NYT Blog's Terror Advice Post

Sign in to post a comment here.