TERROR CENTRAL? Sag Harbor

Homeland Security may finally answer the call to defend New York's largest summertime celebrity petting zoo: the Hamptons!

The village of Sag Harbor in New York is seeking more than $250,000 to keep terrorists away from its yacht-packed marina, home port for boats owned by rap moguls Diddy and Russell Simmons, piano man Billy Joel, and knee-high Nascar jockey Jeff Gordon. According to the New York Post, the town wants $100,000 from the Department of Homeland Security and another $160,000 from the state for a high-tech command center, surveillance cameras, a patrol boat, and training for dockworkers.

"This never should have gone public," grumbled Mayor Greg Ferraris to Radar about the minor press frenzy over his request for hard-earned taxpayer dollars (a matter of public record). "But it's a sign of the times. We're just trying to be proactive and preparing for anything that may come down the line."

Harbormaster Ed Barry told reporters that the marina is a "soft target" for terrorism. "It has been known that terrorists target areas where famous and rich people gather and where there's a sewer plant. Sag Harbor has both." Strange how that works.

Ed Swenson, head of harbor security, said the increased precautions will boost the ability to monitor port entries and "detect if there was any radiological material coming in on one of these vessels."

No word as to whether the new command center would detect other noxious materials, such as Diddy's last album.