This week the tabloids take their cues from that tech-savvy housewife who clutters e-mail inboxes with entire digital albums of her tots tugging away at the feckless family spaniel.

Us fills its defiant "100 percent Paris-Free" issue with 12 pages of Hollywood babies, complete with tidbits like the Jolie-Pitt girls' favorite snacks and details about Sean Federline's $300 Power Wheel car. Here we thought the reason Midwestern moms buy these mags is to escape boring bambinos and revel in the designer-clad lives they'll never lead.

In Touch offers a World Exclusive look into the TomKat marriage, which is really just an excuse to show the proud parents cuddling with Suri. Minus the fancy duds and the millionaire manse all you've got is a tired portrait of your sister's lousy Thanksgiving morning pics.

Even scandal-friendly Star goes with a "Hollywood Baby Secrets" cover. But don't expect to find sordid details about Violet Affleck shooting smack or Hazel and Phinn's life of crime. The mag's big shockers: Brad and Angie dote on their kids and use nannies and Britney Spears might not be the best mom.