Nicole Richie might be famous for doing nothing, but even celebrities with no ostensible talent need good publicists when they fall on hard times. And Nicole certainly has. Always Paris Hilton's second fiddle, The Simple Life star has had to contend with anorexia rumors, DJ-boyfriend breakups, recent pregnancy whispers, and now potential incarceration stemming from a DUI charge. Though her lawyers managed to postpone her trial yet again, in July she must face a judge, who will likely send her to jail. All night long.

In light of all these symptoms, Radar felt Nicole needed special attention. Turns out, even the best publicists think that her days are numbered, and that she should probably consider PR hospice care for the last few months of her fame. We spoke to The Honig Company's Steve Honig, and another high-powered L.A. entertainment publicist (who prefers to remain nameless, just in case she pulls through and comes looking for a rep) about Richie's critical condition.

Nicole Richie, you're in the PR/ER!

Stop Laughing About the DUI
Honig: "The first thing I would do is sit her down and make sure she understands the magnitude of what she did, and that she could have killed people. I was appalled with her appearance on David Letterman's show. Letterman asked her if she would be going to prison and she giggled about it. Giggled about driving the wrong way on the highway. She should be slapped."
Other Publicist: "People have this myth that every client is rational, and you have a discussion and the client says, let's get out there and address this! But really, sometimes you just have to say shut up. We don't want to hear from you right now, Nicole."

Find a Better Publicist
Honig: "I think her parents should be more concerned than her publicists. DUI isn't an issue for PR to solve. People think celebs just use pubs to manage their image in these extreme cases, but that's exactly when we don't want to take them on."
O.P.: "I wouldn't want her as a client. The only way is if she is truly pregnant, and she uses it as a way to grow up and become a woman. In the PR world any shift is an opportunity, because we are optimists. Someone goes to rehab, great, we have the new NEW Lindsay Lohan!"

Accept that you might be over
Honig: "She's on her way out. It amazes me that magazines get so much life out of her story. Which came first: gossip mags or Nicole Richie? It's a chicken-and-egg mystery."
O.P.: "I'm thinking this girl is a Trivial Pursuit question in a few years. What else is she gonna do? She's not going to go be a nuclear physicist."

Photo: Getty Images