THE BITTER END James Gandolfini

• Spoiler Alert: The Sopranos comes to an anticlimactic end, meaning no dead Tony, and the fans aren't having it.

• Eat it!: After visits from sister Nicky and ex Stavros Niarchos, Paris Hilton perks up and decides to eat again.

• Sniping Snipes: The government is after tax evader Wesley Snipes, not because he's a tax evader, but because he's black. There's also that weird cult stuff.

• He doesn't know any better: On a visit to the Vatican, Pres. Bush adds another entry to his volumes of verbal follies, calling the pope "sir" rather than the standard "His Holiness."

• A nation divided: A civil war is brewing in Claynation as Claymates, lovers of effete American Idol alum Clay Aiken, come to virtual blows over his sexuality.