If Hollywood types are going to bank on their silver screen credentials by starring in TV commercials, their ads should be judged accordingly. Radar's Spot Reviews enlists the help of actual film critics to review these enterprising actors' ads.

In this edition of Spot Reviews, two-time Oscar nominee Dennis Hopper officially renounces his psychotic street cred by pimping for Ameriprise retirement planning. The ad in question shows a sunglasses-clad Hopper stationed in the middle of an idyllic beach, edgily ranting about bingo and how "your" generation is going to turn retirement "upside down." The camera then shifts, incongruously, to an uptight insurance agent in pearls and a power suit, followed by a man working on a sailboat, and finally back to Hopper again.

We corralled a bunch of young whippersnapper critics, including Rene Rodriguez of the Miami Herald, Jack Mathews of the New York Daily News, Joe Williams of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and Peter Keough of the Boston Phoenix to take down old man Hopper and his Ameriprise shill.

Rene Rodriguez: "If Ameriprise is good enough for Dennis Hopper, it's good enough for me. But it's kind of a waste to have Hopper courting the retirement-age crowd. The guy is so perpetually, effortlessly cool he should be selling beer to college kids. They wouldn't even need to shoot a new commercial: They could use one of my favorite scenes from Blue Velvet, in which Hopper, as Frank Booth, memorably proclaims his preference of brews. "Heineken?!? Fuck that shit!!! Pabst Blue Ribbon!!!" Now that's a commercial."

Jack Mathews: "At 71, Hopper looks great and is the right age to be offering advice about retirement planning. But baby boomers who remember this easy rider as a bad drunk and a serious drug abuser may laugh their way through the commercial. If not bingo, Dennis, what? Spin the bong? If not shuffleboard, dropping acid? A gong for miscasting."

Joe Williams: "Dennis Hopper's been a sober conservative for 20 years, but if memory-deficient boomers associate him with the freewheeling Easy Rider (and not with inadvertently inspiring Wild Hogs), Ameriprise will have them hooked. When it comes to retirement, Dennis the beachcomber tosses the book at the shuffleboard-and-bingo crowd, urging them to sail their savings in a rightward direction."

Peter Keough: "I don't see this generation playing shuffleboard. Hopper didn't see this coming, either—the guy from Easy Rider, Apocalypse Now, and Blue Velvet selling financial plans to spoiled, aging yuppies."

The Final Verdict: The peanut gallery is divided: Is Hopper the perfect emblem for a generation of hippies-turned-yuppies, or is his turn as a spokesman for dotage a tragically dull slide into senility? We're going with the latter: Is it really a good idea to take financial advice from a man who shot a gun over his daughter's head, has taken enough cocaine to kill several farm animals, and voted for George Bush? One and a half stars.