• Everyone Hates Them: The kooks from the Westboro Baptist Church are at it again, this time pissing off Warner/Chappell Music Inc., along with the rest of the sane world, with their parody of "We Are the World"—"God Hates the World."

• Spin control: A surprise assist from gonzo gossip Ian Spiegelman prompts the longest item in Page Six history, addressing the latest round of bribery and free lap dance allegations by lawsuit-happy alleged extortionist Jared Paul Stern. Yowza!

• Crying wolf: Helping lead a country into a disastrous war under false pretenses got Paul Wolfowitz a cushy job atop the World Bank. Paying his girlfriend a ton of money gets him fired.

• Hip hop cops: A report reveals that the NYPD monitored Diddy, Jay-Z, and Alicia Keys prior to the 2004 Republican National Convention.

• Sisterly bonding: Rumor has it that the Olsen twins are being courted to be the next Bond girls.

• How Rachel McAdams Stays Forever 28
• Jack Valenti's Sexy Dinner With Madonna

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