• Fallen Knight: Long before he was causing permanent emotional damage to his daughter, David Hasselhoff was drinking his relationship with K.I.T.T. straight to hell.

• Meth actor: Amateur porn star Tom Sizemore is in the clink again after getting caught outside of a hotel with methamphetamine.

• Juice squeezed: A restaurateur and member of the O.J.-is-guilty-club boots the money-grubbing murderer (?) from his Kentucky eatery prior to the Derby.

• Pardon her: Soon to be incarcerated heiress Paris Hilton resorts to her last line of defense—a petition to have Gov. Schwarzenegger terminate her sentence.

• Hunting Tom Delay: The FBI is far from done trying to nail The Hammer and his Hammeress.

• Take my wife, please: A Brazilian man (unsuccessfully) tries to sell his wife on eBay.

• Woody Right for Playboy?
• Lack of Irony: The New Irony in Ironic T-shirts

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