Jolie speaks! Well, not to the weeklies, but in doctor's office favorite Readers Digest, she talks about life with Daddy Brad-y and their rainbow bunch. And the tabs diligently decode.

The staff of the self-proclaimed tabloid of record, Us Weekly, flex their mathlete muscles, crunching the numbers for this SAT-caliber brain buster: Jolie says bio baby Shiloh was not an accident. Shiloh was born in May 2006, putting her conception date somewhere in late August/early September 2005. Brad's divorce to Jennifer Aniston wasn't official until October 2005. Let's see ... carry the one ... Oh, snap! The final insult! Angelina finally admits she was trying to get knocked-up while Brad was still married! Somewhere deep within Vince Vaughn's meaty arms, Jen is quietly thanking Janice Min's minions for the closure.

Life & Style, which has been industriously breaking Brad and Ange up for weeks, finds an expert to spin Jolie's statements like, "So many parents today do separate," into "I despise Brad so much I can't stand to be on the same continent." Ok!, meanwhile, arranges Angie's statements to make the former smack-shooting, Billy-Bob-blood-wearing actress into mother of the year. And God bless Star magazine! While they mention the Reader's Digest interview, the focus is on the claims of another publication, Australia's New Idea, where some fashion insider claims Brangelina had the world's hottest threesome with a Victoria's Secret model. Digest that!

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