SPIDEY-ON-SPIDEY ACTION Maguire handles a real arachnid

• Web of receipts: Spider-Man 3 set records for opening day ticket revenues in Hong Kong and South Korea. Only $490 million more to break even!

• Fully loaded: If those snooping paps would just leave Lindsay Lohan alone, she could get on with what she was trying to do before they showed up: win an Oscar. Well, look who it is ... Lindsay declares war!

• Not just a typo: New York, not the New Yorker cleans up at the magazine awards, the Ellies.

• She shall overcome: Protest singer Joan Baez is banned from playing for troops at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.

• La petit mort: Already approved by its culture committee, the Iranian parliament is expected to pass a law that sentences producers of pornography to death.

• The gas closet: The CEO of BP, Lord John Browne, steps down after being outed by a disgruntled ex-boyfriend—who just wanted his tank filled more often.

• Pimp King moonlighted as Ripper?: South African historian Charles van Onselen thinks he's found the identity of Jack the Ripper in Joseph Silver, aka the "King of the Pimps," who also terrorized women in Johannesburg.

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