• Jenna's limp performance: Shrinking, vagino-plastied Porn queen Jenna Jameson "behaves unprofessionally," skimping on appearances and letting down fans (read: horny guys still living with mom) in Miami.

• Mate Kidman: Nicole Kidman is awarded Australia's version of knighthood for her brilliant cinematic career—and some humanitarian junk.

• Need babies, will travel: Lover of all things Malawian, Madonna will travel to the African nation this weekend to pick up her second adopted child, this one a three-year old girl named Grace.

• The Michael Jordan of divorce: Neil Diamond's $150 million divorce settlement currently ranks as the most expensive ever, but if Michael Jordan's split goes through, he'll once again top the list of all-time greats.

• Disney-fying Dickens: A $115 million Charles Dickens theme park is set to open in an old naval shipyard—complete with a roving, pick-pocketing Artful Dodger.

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