• Death of Champions: Satirical genius Kurt Vonnegut is dead following injuries he suffered to his brain after a fall.

• Dukies dropped: After waiting 400 days and getting Nifonged, the Duke lacrosse players accused of rape are officially found innocent.

• Old world bigotry: Trying to steal some of Imus's racist thunder, Tony Blair blames a rash of London crimes on a "distinctive black culture."

• Accountants gone wild!: 1040-mangling meatstick Joe Francis is in even more trouble with law after making $20 million in illegal deductions.

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