Hypothetical question: If a writer is going to call someone she knows a bitch in a national magazine, does it make a difference if she gives her victim a tiny fig-leaf of a pseudonym? And can somebody claim to be the bigger person while at the same time trying to get the last word in a petty feud?

Okay, so those aren't hypothetical. The writer in question is Deborah Schoeneman, the magazine is Playboy, and the victim (or bitch, depending on your point of view) is Page Six's Paula Froelich. In an article in the April issue, Schoeneman, a former gossip writer for New York, rehashes her fraught history with Froelich under the guise of introducing readers to the new "gossip game," circa 2007—a game in which, to hear Schoeneman tell it, people like Froelich and her New York Post cohorts no longer matter.

It's hard to imagine a majority of Playboy's 3 million readers caring about what bloggers like David Hauslaib, "the cherub-faced editorial director of Jossip," and Emily Gould, Gawker's "dewy" co-editor, have to say about each other or the art of writing about Britney Spears's vagina. But Schoeneman goes even deeper when she introduces "a Page Six reporter with whom I had been off-and-on friendly for years." She calls the woman "Jane," adding, "because if I use her real name she'll probably kill me."

Schoeneman, who had written some Page Six items during a stint at the Post, relates how she fell into disfavor with "Jane" after she parlayed the Jared Paul Stern scandal into free publicity for her book, 4% Famous. "Jane" responded with a series of angry e-mails, which somehow found their way into WWD's media column, which identified Froelich as the author. (Schoeneman denies responsibility.)

Schoeneman concludes her article by claiming she has tried in vain to mend fences with "Jane"/Froelich—but not before she recounts, for no discernible reason, reading about a stand-up comedy performance in which Froelich discussed her rocky love life. "I read it with train-wreck fascination," she writes.

Asked via e-mail whether she's ready to kiss and make up with Schoeneman, Froelich declined to comment. But a Post source says she was "chuffed" when someone in the newsroom asked her about the article, quipping, "You know you've made it when you have your first stalker."

Photo: Chris Ford/PatrickMcMullan.com