Like a cane-wielding geezer, the Academy Awards have long been slow-moving and behind-the-times. But for four environment- and lesbian-friendly hours, Hollywood celebrated an evening of firsts.

For instance, the red-carpet event will now and forever be remembered for going green. Sure, Al Gore was given the stage to call for an end to a slow-moving apocalypse, but he did not seize the moment to restart his political career (only to joke about it). For once, celebrities showed restraint in avoiding easy cracks or sappy sympathetic odes to tragedies-of-the-moment Anna Nicole Smith or Britney Spears—although Jack Nicholson's haircut was an unmistakable reference. Most importantly, the Best Picture Oscar went to The Departed, a movie that not only didn't blow, it filled the most seats, and, therefore, several happy producers' pockets.

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