In a little over 24 hours, Britney Spears's shorn locks have miraculously made their way from Esther's Haircutting Studio in Tarzana, California, to the wilds of eBay. Various mounds of hair extensions (with conflicting claims of authenticity) are still up for grabs, ranging in price from $.99 to $99,999,000. Get there before GoldenPalace!

Of course, Britney's journey from put-upon housewife to Margot Kidder-level crazy took a bit longer. But not much! After the jump, Radar attempts to retrace her steps ...

• November 27: The first Britney crotch shots hit the Web, canceling out any good press that might have come from her divorce filing.

• December: Brit and Paris Hilton join forces, swap spit, and go through a friend-divorce. Paris emerges (relatively) unscathed. Britney emerges bloated. Behind her back, Paris refers to Britney as "Animal."

• January 4: Britney's old manager is rehired to help smooth things over. He issues a statement: "She understands what's going on right now, and she calls it her 'rocky moment.'"

• February 11: A wasted Britney reportedly blows chunks outside Meatpacking District club Tenjune around 4 am. No word on who's burping baby Jayden.

• February 11: Later, the still unsober pop tart swaps her dress for a go-go dancer's bikini at another Meatpacking District club. She leaves in the bathing suit and a busboy's jacket.

• February 13: Spears's former assistant, Felicia Culotta, posts a heartfelt letter to her longtime boss on ThatOtherBlog.com, urging the singer to seek help. The letter reads: "am crushed/saddened/heart sick by the way her life is unfolding.... I cannot convince her in ANY way to love herself."

• February 13: Former Jessica Simpson-enabler-turned-OK! Entertainment Director Rob Shuter speculates that the letter is really from Brit's mama, trying desperately to reach out to her boozing/using daughter.

• February 16, morning: Extra! reports that Brit has checked into rehab in Antigua, at Eric Clapton's Crossroads Centre.

• February 16, afternoon: Less than 24 hours after enrolling in the program, Britney ditches rehab and flies coach to L.A.

• February 16, 7pm: Britney finds herself in Tarzana, California, at Esther's Haircutting Studio with only her bodyguards at her side. The salon is closed, but she calls someone to open it for her. According to E!, Spears told owner JT Tognozzi that "she was tired of her hair extensions and wanted to shave her hair." When Tognozzi refused, she says, "[Britney] grabbed the shears and just started shaving her head." Afterward, Spears cried, "Oh, my God, I shaved it all off. My mom is going to be so upset with me.'"

• Shortly thereafter: Photographers from pap agency X17 capture the first G.I. Jane photos. Photogs report that she was crying inside her car for 10 minutes before heading inside to do the deed.

• About an hour later: Not content with the self-mutilation so far, Spears rolls over to Body & Soul Tattoo in Sherman Oaks, from which she emerges with a black, white, and pink cross on her lower hip and red and pink lips on her wrist. TMZ reports that inside the parlor, Britney told an employee "I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of everyone touching me," and that her handbag was stained from "spilling NyQuil all over it."