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Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Daddy Decoder
 YA LIKE MA BD? Smith At press time, there were five serious contenders (and one very rotten corpse) vying for the right to call Anna Nicole Smith's daughter—and her potential half-billion-dollar inheritance—their very own.
Who among this impressive crop of losers will ultimately be crowned the "winner"? After the jump, Radar's comprehensive guide to the fabulous five (minus the dead guy.)
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Age: 34
Relationship to Anna: Paparazzo ex-boyfriend
First Claimed Paternity: May 31, 2006
Compelling Evidence: Looks like her type
Money Quote: "I've been told that I was the father from Anna. She said, 'We're having a baby,' and ever since then, my life has been totally different."
Red Flag: Trying a little too hard to show he cares by inexplicably testifying in court about where Smith should be buried
Odds He's the Baby Daddy: 1:5
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Age: 38
Relationship to Anna: Creepily devoted lawyer; "Bahamian husband"
First Claimed Paternity: September 26, 2006
Compelling Evidence: Smith listed him as Dannielynn's father on her Bahamian birth certificate; is currently in possession of Dannielynn
Money Quote: "Anna and I have been in a relationship and we love each other, and it's been going on for a very long time, and because of my relationship as her lawyer, we felt that it was best to keep everything hidden."
Red Flags: Reportedly took $1 million to talk about Smith's death on TV; isn't exactly sprinting to the lab to get his DNA tested
Odds He's the Babby Daddy: 3:1
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Age: 59
Relationship to Anna: Friend—with wife, Zsa Zsa Gabor—of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall. Claims he and Smith had a 10-year affair
First Claimed Paternity: February 9, 2007
Compelling Evidence: None
Money Quote: "I know for sure [Stern and Birkhead] are not the father of the child. If you go back from September, she wasn't with one of those guys. She was with me."
Red Flags: Can't keep his story straight. Former publicist claims he's doing it for attention. Not a real prince. Also, his junk is broken
Odds He's the Babby Daddy: 100:1
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Age: unknown
Relationship to Anna: Former bodyguard
First Claimed Paternity: February 15, 2007
Compelling Evidence: Spent nights alone guarding Anna from obsessed fans, obsessed exes, obsessed lawyers ...
Money Quote: "We had great moments, which I'd really love to share with people and tell the whole world how she really was."
Red Flags: When asked if he might be the father, couldn't muster anything more convincing than, "There's always a possibility"
Odds He's the Babby Daddy: 150:1
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Age: 102, were he not dead
Relationship to Anna: Sugar daddy worth $1.8 billion
First Claimed Paternity: N/A, as he is dead
Compelling Evidence: Smith's half-sister, in her affectionately titled unauthorized tell-all Train Wreck, claims Smith froze Marshall's sperm and may have used it to get pregnant.
Money Quote: "I call her Vickie and she calls me Poppa. It stands for grandfather, and it's what I've tried to be."
Red Flag: Had been dead 11 years when the baby was conceived
Odds He's the Babby Daddy: 250:1
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Age: 39
Relationship to Anna: boyfriend/stalker
First Claimed Paternity: February 8, 2007
Compelling Evidence: Sperm-producing testes
Money Quote: "In June of 2000, I ... willfully gave a 'sperm sample' to then-girlfriend Anna Nicole Smith, which she gave to a doctor for future use. [She] playfully said, 'Congratulations Mr. Hollywood, yew [sic] just made a deposite [sic] in the Anna Nicole sperm bank.'"
Red Flags: Is currently serving a seven-year jail sentence in California for, among other offenses, threatening Smith. Used several different colors of crayon in the letter he sent to the media announcing his claim. Goes by the nickname "Hollywood"
Odds He's the Babby Daddy: 1,000:1
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Photo: Splash News & Picture Agency
MY LORD AFTER LOOKING AT THE OTHER-UGLY-MUGS, I SURE HOPE BIRKHEAD IS THE FATHER
NOT THAT HE IS THE GREATEST CANIDATE IN THE WORLD, HE IS AFTER MONEY TOO, WONDER WHAT ALL OF THEM WOULD SAY IF SOMEONE TOLD THEM NO MONEY JUST TAKE THE BABY AND RAISE HER!!!!!!!!!AND WHAT IN HELL WERE ANY<<<<<< OF THEM THINKING WHEN THEY KNEW THE WHOLE TIME (INCLUDING) BIRKHEAD THAT SHE WAS ON DRUGS, CAN THAT BABY BE NORMAL??????
I THINK THAT WILL SHOW UP LATER IN HER LIFE, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHEN SHE FINDS OUT ALL THIS SHIT WHAT KINDA MASS MURDERER
SHE MAY BECOME, GOD LETS PRAY NOT!!!!!!
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