KING'S RANSOM Stern

• T&A payday: With his latest $83 million stock bonus, Howard Stern has earned $700 million in cash and stock since joining Sirius satellite radio. The real payoff: he can now tell his former employer to fuck off without getting bleeped.

• Sponsored by Geritol: CNN is planning a weeklong bash to celebrate Larry King's 50 years in broadcasting. It'll air new interviews with Oprah, Bill Clinton, Angelina Jolie, and "somebody big." It's totally gonna be Osama bin Laden!

• Happy birthday!: Ever-chipper news sprite Katie Couric is celebrating a 50th milestone of her own. As a special gift she'll ... interview ... Larry King. (See previous item.)

• Home delivery companion: "Don't be a drudge" and six other rules for reading the newspaper, courtesy of Garrison Keillor in Salon.

• Mia's Revenge: Carly Simon No Longer Loves Woody Allen
• Slimy Berger Grilled in Republican Report

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