Naomi Campbell wasn't exactly hit with the book for assaulting a housekeeper with a projectile cell phone last March, according to Reuters. Faced with a maximum seven-year jail sentence and possible deportation back to England, Campbell was ordered by a judge to perform five days of community service and fined $363, dashing the W.I.P. fantasies of straight men everywhere. (That she also must attend anger management classes is a given).

Those hoping Campbell would suffer from the same sort of street justice that Boy George endured after his stint sweeping sidewalks in August are also out of luck. Says her lawyer, presumably with a straight face: "As I told the judge, with her history of people threatening her, with her history of people stalking her, it would be a dangerous thing for her to be doing community service outdoors."

One person undoubtedly safe from any future violent outbursts: Campbell's former manager, Carole White, whom she fired in order that the supermodel might start her career anew, partly as a "roving reporter for GQ magazine."

PREVIOUSLY:
• It's On, Bitch!