Being heir to the British throne isn't all strawberries 'n cream. Take the media furor surrounding Prince William's rumored engagement to girlfriend Kate Middleton. It's spiraled so deeply out of control that Middleton has been forced to retain the services of a law firm to deal with the paparazzi. And Prince Harry's relationship with pouty blonde Chelsy Davy recently piqued the ire of British taxpayers after a battalion of police officers was taken off normal duty to shepherd the duo out of a nightclub.

Of course, those of us on this side of the Pond aren't as up to date on the specs of the would-be Queen and Princess. After the jump, everything you ever wanted to know about likely future royals Kate and Chelsy, but were afraid to ask....

AGE, BIRTHPLACE:
Middleton: 25, Berkshire, England
Davy: 21, Zimbabwe

JOB:
Middleton: Assistant accessories buyer for women's clothier Jigsaw
Davy: Student of philosophy, politics, and economics at Cape Town U in South Africa (Just how great a student is up for debate.)

SIGNATURE LOOK:
Middleton: "Wifey chic," with a "good bod and great skin."
Davy: An "upturned nose and pouchy cheeks," which give her a "somewhat spoilt, sullen look."

WHERE THEY MET THEIR MEN:
Middleton: Sophomore year at University at St. Andrews in Scotland
Davy: In South Africa, where Harry was visiting AIDS orphans

FAVORED HAUNTS:
Middleton: London members club Boujis
Davy: Mayfair's Mahiki Club (home of the £100 Treasure Chest vodka drink)

AWKWARD DINNER CONVERSATION SUBJECT:
Middleton: Dad runs a mail-order company that sells decidedly un-royal children's party paraphernalia.
Davy: Dad runs dubiously legal big-game hunting operations buttressed by his "Mafia-type" ties to internationally deplored Zimbabwe prez Robert Mugabe.

UNSETTLING INDICATOR OF EXCESSIVE MEDIA ATTENTION:
Middleton: A spokesperson for the Unofficial Kate Middleton Fanclub, comprised of more than "24 fans in more than 12 countries," says, "Since starting the club, we have lost the ability to imagine a life without this marriage."
Davy: Crowned the second-most powerful blonde in the world by British society rag Tatler

RUMORED COMPETITION:
Middleton: Britney Spears
Davy: Harry's pending deployment to Iraq this spring.

ENGAGEMENT PROSPECTS:
Middleton: British press says any day now; William says not for at least two more years.
Davy: N/A