Judging from his recent contretemps with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, Dick Cheney is not exactly bubbling with joy about the pregnancy of his lesbian daughter Mary. After castigating Blitzer for even raising the subject, Ol' Snarl Mouth would only say that he's "delighted to have a sixth grandchild." That may be, but somehow we worry that Dick will have trouble expressing this profound delight when the time comes to buy Mary a baby shower present.

To help him ease into his role as the nation's most prominent gay-positive grandpa, we've put together a list of suitable gift suggestions that are only slightly marred by hideous rainbow motifs. Feel free to forward the gift of your choice to:

Dick Cheney
7879 Fuller Road
St. Michaels, MD 21663-2545

[Dignified, vice-presidential gift suggestions after the jump!]

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