This week, Girls Gone Wild sin-farmer Joe Francis was smacked with two years' probation and 200 hours of community service (Ooh! Call Paris!) for violating record-keeping laws meant to keep 17-year-old floozies out of his videos. What's more, a judge handed Francis a $500,000 fine. No sweat—he paid 50 times that for his 14-bedroom Casa Aramara compound in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. Besides, what's $500,000 when you're worth $100 million?

"The FBI investigated me for five years," Francis boasted post-trial, "and this is the best that they could come up with."

What ever could he be hinting at?

Well, there's that time a college student claimed Francis raped her in his Miami hotel room. Oh, yeah, and that West article in which the writer describes Francis serving alcohol to minors and possibly forcing himself on an out-of-it 18-year-old girl gone wild (and the reporter herself).

Now that you bring it up, Joe, the FBI really did drop the ball.