Today a dispatch rolls in from the "once-celebrated teen songbirds" desk in Europe. Charlotte Church, the Welsh "voice of an angel" who topped UK charts for years before landing her own talk show, is making headlines for a bender that makes our Britney look like Shirley Temple.

Church, who, according to the Guardian, "could probably imbibe a glass of cava through a spare nasal cavity while singing to the Pope," threw back 10 sambucas, six vodka-Red Bulls, and a large pizza during a night of revelry in the French ski resort Chamonix over the weekend. The beefy lass went on to demand that her rugby playing boyfriend "Eat the fucking pizza, or I'll rub it all over your fucking face. Eat it or fuck off." The 20-year-old star then took to the karaoke microphone, barefoot, and belted out Sting's heartfelt ballad "Fields of Gold."

Church, neck in neck with Spears for the apocalyptic canary-in-a-coal-mine title, just upped the ante after a year rife with puffy "morning after" photos, public accounts of her sex life, a bitch-slapping incident on her chat show, and public flogging in the British tabloids for her "ox-like" constitution.

Spears's response? Bring it.