Bling King, Now on Ice, Calls in Favors

GRILL THE WITNESS Jacob fan

• Hi, Jay-Z? Becks? It's me!: Remember your ol' pal Jacob the Jeweler who made you all of that stunning two-tone gold and ice-blasted bling? He'd like you to testify in court on his behalf. No, not you, Black Mafia Family. As you were.

• American Idiots: The usual ragtag bunch of no-talent half-wits made their way to the American Idol stage last night for the first episode of season six. This year's William Hung: Mr. Urban Amish.

• He would've fried 'em: The demonstrably sensitive Pres. Bush does not approve of the way the Iraqi government handled Saddam's execution. As a man who holds the record for execution touchdowns, Bush said he was disappointed that Iraq "fumbled" theirs.

• 34,000 and rising: Meanwhile, the number of Iraqi civilians who died last year amounts to about four people an hour. But remember, the outcome is worth the sacrifice.

• You are everyone else: A potential juror in the Scooter Libby case was quickly dismissed after saying, "there is nothing they [Bush Administration officials] could say or do that would make me think anything positive about them."

• Naomi Campbell Will Not Star in Caged Heat IV
• Make That President Funnyname