There are plenty of jerks and sleazeballs in Hollywood, but most people who want to keep working there have the good sense not to name them. Not John Leguizamo. In his upcoming memoir, Pimps, Hos, Players, Haters and All the Rest of My Hollywood Friends, the Summer of Sam star offers up unsurprising but nonetheless amusing dirt on colleagues including Kevin Costner (egotist), Arnold Schwarzenegger (sexual harasser), Mike Nichols (prima donna), Leonardo DiCaprio (patron of prostitutes), and, well, himself (peeping Tom). Some highlights:

• On his escapades with DiCaprio while filming Romeo & Juliet in Mexico: "We would have parties, just the guys playing poker and talking shit, while strippers danced on a table. And there were some adventures with the hookers that were videotaped, two on one, voyeurism, all that. Thank God for certain people's careers those tapes have been erased." (And thank God everyone involved has shown such discretion ... d'oh!)

• Bearing witness to Schwarzenegger's treatment of women on the set of Collateral Damage: "He said crazy shit on the set. I don't want to blow up his spot, but it's true that he talked some wild shit to the ladies. I heard him tell one woman in the costuming department, 'Your fingernail polish is pink. Are your nipples the same color?' If I said something like that, I'd get slapped."

• Schwarzenegger also had some choice words for his fellow dudes. To a crowd of crew members gawking at his bared chest: "What are you all staring at me for? You bunch of homosexuals!"

• Taking acting pointers from Costner, who, Leguizamo claims, told him, "I want to teach you something son. I'm gonna teach you about lighting: Get out of my light. Now if you can just manage that we might have a good movie here." Leguizamo writes, "I'll never forget that. Never block a star's light. Got it. Cocksucker."

• Getting revenge on director Nichols on the set of Regarding Henry: "He had his own private cappuccino machine on the set and he wouldn't let anyone else touch it. He was drinking his cappuccino all the time. And complaining about it all the time to the crew. 'This coffee tastes like piss water,' he'd yell. 'It's undrinkable.' He'd pour it out and say, 'Go make me another, and get it right.' After a while of this, the crew got their revenge. They pissed in his precious cappuccino machine. And he liked it! 'Now that's a cup of coffee!'"

• Getting into a fistfight with Patrick Swayze on the set of To Wong Foo: "Patrick swings. And I swing. Both of us in Frederick's of Hollywood. I'm in hot pants. He's in fuck-me pumps. And the crew's going, 'BITCH FIGHT!' They break it up before we can start pulling each other's hair and scratching each other's eyes out."

• Enduring Steven Seagal's massive ego in Executive Decision: "His head was supposed to blow up from the sudden change in air pressure. But Steven wouldn't let his character die like that. He said it was ignoble for Steven Seagal to die that way... He wouldn't leave his trailer until they changed it for him. Just sat in there and sulked. The big fat sissy. So they changed it for him."

• Lusting after Ellen Barkin while making The Fan: "That bent nose, that twisted face. She looks like whoever was sculpting her had a seizure toward the end. All you think about is doggy style when you're with her. She tried to steal my lines but I didn't care because she's so hot." To describe her career, Barkin told him, "I fucked my way to the middle."

• And in a recollection bound to endear him to future female costars, Leguizamo describes the upside of playing a midget in Moulin Rouge: "[B]eing down that low all the time, I got to peek up Nicole Kidman's skirt. Let me just say the curtains match the carpet."