• Tumorgate: "Decider" wife Laura Bush secretly eradicated a cancer growing in the White House back in November (hint: it wasn't Rumsfeld).

• Ripper(s)?: Cops in England pop a second perp in the Ripper-style prostitute murders—this guy, a 48-year-old, conveniently lives in the red light district. Also, Ipswich has its own red light district?

• Kitaen last to leave Bachelor Party: Witchy Whitesnake supergroupie Tawny Kitaen enters rehab after being found guilty for possessing 15 grams of cocaine. Her career still refuses to get help.

• Trump holds fate of U.S.A.: The proverbial snake eats its tail as Donald Trump ponders (and relishes the prospect of) telling Miss U.S.A. "You're fired."