GIRL IN A HURRY Lohan

• November 12: Allegedly overdoses on drugs at the Chateau Marmont in L.A., despite the fact that the hotel supposedly forced Lohan to vacate the premises precisely to avoid such a scenario.

• November 15: Demands 10 bottles of Cristal and 10 bottles of Grey Goose in her dressing room at the World Music Awards—a request the show's organizers do not meet. Proceeds to flub her lines on stage, forcing producers to continually re-tape her bit. Is summarily booed by the audience.

• Thanksgiving: Is a no-show at a Lohan family gathering on Long Island after mother Dina's attempt to stage an intervention regarding her daughter's partying results in a blowout.

• November 25: Attempts to flirt with ex-boyfriend Harry Morton at a house-party in Hollywood; is rebuffed. Is later found sniffing a "suspicious substance" off the tiled bathroom floor in said house. Party guests regale her with "cokehead" taunts.

• November 27: Gets into a verbal altercation with (evidently short-lived) "best friend" Paris Hilton at L.A. club Hyde, in which Britney Spears, of all people, is the mediator and voice of reason (Britney to Paris: "Paris, let's go smoke a cig and calm down"). Moments later, Lindsay shares a cigarette with former Paris Hilton flame Stavros Niarchos. Paris proceeds to break up the duo by engaging in a "makeout session" with Stavros directly in front of Lindsay.

We can't wait for December.