OK! As you probably guessed, Britney is, like, bummed. So, naturally, she sought comfort in the arms of, wait for it, Justin Timberlake! If this news even temporarily endangers Cameron Diaz's signature smile, we'll burn every J-Tim record in our vast collection.

In Touch Weekly: Ryan Phillippe dishes about how Reese Witherspoon's wealth, kindness, and beauty drove him into the arms of other women. Plus: Is never-again nude Brangelina hiding another baby bump? And, in the truly gag worthy category: Kirstie Alley in a bikini.

Life & Style: Phillippe v. Witherspoon from the angle that matters most—money. In dialogue unheard since the heyday of "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Reese warns Ryan that if he tries to come after her money she will "rain down on him so hard." Also, Jen Aniston is trying to call Brad Pitt, and guess who's mad: Zahara. (And Angelina.)

Us Weekly: Beyond all of its expected Brit-Fed war correspondence, Us tracks the diet skirmish between megamouth Rosie O'Donnell and big-boned Kirstie Alley. Also, the once-skeletal Nicole Richie raises her BMI dangerously close to normal by packing on 10 pounds of pure beef.

Star: Brangelina have a baby announcement. Find out which country is set to become the new Malawi!